


Lets Bark a Deal

by geekinlikeaboss, RenneMichaels



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Loki-centric, Lokitty, Magic, TonyCorgi, Warning: Loki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-10
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-04-08 14:00:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4307787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geekinlikeaboss/pseuds/geekinlikeaboss, https://archiveofourown.org/users/RenneMichaels/pseuds/RenneMichaels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A spell goes wrong leaving the Avengers and Loki with a very different outlook to say the least. Tony's need to make a deal with Loki is hampered by the body he finds himself in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For you amusement, I present a tumblr reposting session between geekinlikeaboss and me.
> 
> This is not beta'd and silly as sugar, but here it is.
> 
> *** If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated, because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE. ***

**Lets Bark a Deal**

Somehow, perhaps because he was bored and not paying sufficient attention, one of Loki’s spell goes ‘accidentally’ wrong and everyone gets changed into the dog that most symbolizes their personality.

Captain Rogers was an Irish Wolfhound, Thor turned into a clueless Golden Retriever, Romanoff became a Borzoi, red coated of course. The brownish black, Wire Haired Fox Terrier was Barton and Banner’s alter ego was of course a huge Bernese Mountain Dog. And embarrassingly enough, at least to him, Tony Stark turned into a Welsh Corgi.

All of which would be highly amusing to the God of Mischief, if part of the spell hadn’t re-bounded off that damn gaudily decorated shield carried by Rogers striking him. Although Loki was at least gratified that he hadn’t turned into a common dog like the others. Or at least he was initially, until he realized that changing to a Bombay cat in front of a pack of avenging dogs was not really a good thing.

Although, LoKitty didn’t ponder this long. With a howl worthy of the Hounds of Baskervilles, all of the Avengers started chasing him.  

_It seems like it is going to be one of ‘those’ days._

Horns blared as they chased him across a nearby street, Rogers in the lead, and the archer only just escaping becoming intimate with the bumper of a Yellow Cab. LoKitty dodged, and wove around several people without them taking much notice; he was after all a cat. But behind him, he could hear shrill screams as the pack chasing him interacted with those same pedestrians. Risking a glimpse back LoKitty could see several, severely jostled citizens being pushed against buildings or parked cars. No doubt causing quite a bit of heart-rending on the part of the good Captain.

_None of which I had anything to do with._

It didn’t take long for Loki to find an alley with a sufficiently isolated dumpster to leap up onto. Turning, he sneered as the mogrels tried to skid to a halt. Whiskers twitching, LoKitty leaned down to watch as they piled into each other with surprised yelps. Their momentum going so far as to slam the good captain into the dumpster, with a gratifyingly heavy thud. As they sorted themselves out, a yapping Stark finally arrived. A Corgi’s short legs not really made for keeping up with this crowd any more than an unarmored Stark could.

But LoKitty had to admit, what Stark lacked in physical strength, he tried to make up in volume, barking with the best of them. After several long minutes of barking, and right after Banner shrank down to a very confused Border Collie, LoKitty curled up into a ball to take a nap.

While it didn’t take long for the other Avengers to grow bored and wander off, Stark was still sitting there barking at him!

_And barking, and barking, and barking._

Finally, LoKitty lazily opened one eye, leaned over the edge of the dumpster to look at TonyCorgi, yawning and pretending that he just woke up… 

Which is utter bullshit and they both knew it. After all, NO ONE could really sleep with that mangy bunch of dogs howling right below them, least of all LoKitty, who has excellent hearing thank you.

Tail waving slowly, LoKitty wrinkled up his face, that being the feline form of eye-rolling. “Stark? Don’t you have someplace else you should be? Surely there is a Fire Hydrant, far, far from here, that needs your urgent attention.” Black ears twitched in inquiry, “Yes?”

Completely startled at being address with words when he could only bark, TonyCorgi jumped back, a high pitched yip escaping him. He shook his head a moment before tilting it in a completely stereotypical RCA dog pose, and then barked furiously for several long moments. 

Stretching his paws out in front of him, LoKitty arched his back, yawned once more and then sat up, curling his tail around his feet before finally favoring TonyCorgi with a particularly cat-like smirk. Or perhaps it was just his regular smirk, since he did have more than his share of feline attributes even when walking on two feet rather than four. “That most certainly was a yip. And seriously Stark? I thought you were supposed to be a genius? Why do you think the mage turned into a cat can talk and understand your incessant barking, when the tinker turned into an incredibly misshapen dog can’t?”

“Grrrrrrr Rwuff!”

“Really? Go look in a puddle. Even as a dog you’re a short belligerent joke. Form following function as you mortals say.” LoKitty purred, eye alight with malicious amusement. In other words, like any cat on high taunting any dog anywhere.

Predictably though his last statement provoked an extended spate of barking mixed with growls. Which LoKitty listened to, only occasionally swishing his tail acknowledgement. Even when the nature of the diminutive canine’s words edged towards vitriolic he just listened with amusement. However at long last the barking died down to a grumble, and then even that was reduced to a few whines.   

“Yes. Yes. I understand. You are upset as well as short.”LoKitty twitched his ears in false sympathy. “You may at least take comfort in knowing that we will all most likely return to normal sometime tomorrow.” 

TonyCorgi yipped urgently. 

“Well no. Your clothes will not survive the transformation, I will retrieve mine however.”

“Bark, bark, bark, bark, baaaaaaaark!” 

“I highly doubt it Stark. You haven’t been able to manage that when you were assisted by those other costumed buffoons, what makes you think you could manage it alone? Hummm?”

Ears perked high, LoKitty listened for several minutes while TonyCorgi, yipped, huffed and occasionally waved a paw for emphasis.” 

“Well of course if I was properly motivated I could retrieve the rest. Except of course for Mjölnir, I do hope she won’t cause too many problems during rush hour.” LoKitty said with a degree of mendaciousness common to cats and trickster gods alike. 

OoooO

The trip back to the tower was not without its drama. An excitedly squealing, garishly dressed city dweller thought TonyCorgi was too cute for coherent speech, and apparently free for the taking. What with him not wearing a collar. But after several lighting quick scratches, and a particularly alarming yowl, the now bleeding female dropped the small dog, allowing the two of them to dash into a nearby alley. Perhaps thirty minutes later, a large black cat and a slightly winded Corgi made their way to the base of Stark Tower. Hugging the walls to avoid being hit, they slunk down the parking garage ramp and made their way over to a heavily reinforced elevator door. 

“Bark, bark, bark.”

“Are you sure this will work Stark?”

 "Yiiiiip!”

“Very well. Jarvis! Open the elevator please, I have a message for you from Tony Stark.” 

The door remained closed. TonyCorgi tossed his head, motioning towards the wall speaker.  

“Who is currently in the form of this stupid bobble headed dog beside me. He wants you to use override code ‘Shit Happens 48 dash G dash Snape dash A dash Okay’.” Ears flat he hissed at the Corgi who was busy trying to stare holes into the heavy steel door. “I swear Stark if ever compare me to that sallow faced wand waver again, I will make you rue it.” Ears still flat, LoKitty turned back and spat towards the speaker, “Also he needs some cretin named Happy to go round up several dogs that are possibly between here and Bryant Park.”

The sudden whirring of heavy gears caused those same black ears to swivel wildly, in a way that might normally have caused if not laughter, at least yipping in amusement. If the owner of those ears didn’t swing a mean right paw. And wasn’t the only one who could retrieve a very expensive Iron Man suit. 

A weary sounding voice wafted from the speaklers, “Welcome home sir. I will notify Mister Hogan to meet you in the penthouse as soon as possible. In the meantime is there anything else you are in immediate need of?”

Whinning piteously, TonyCorgi looked beseechingly at LoKitty as they waited for the elevator door to close.

“Fine.“ LoKitty huffed, twitching his tail irritably. “Jarvis, Stark would like something to drink that doesn’t have petroleum byproducts in it. And, he promised me glazed salmon from Le Bernardin.”

“I shall order it immediately Mister Laufeyson. And would Sir like his water with or without ice in it?”


	2. Is Everybody Happy?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A pack of pedigree dogs out roaming in NYC without collars? That are really the Avengers? Oh yeah. That will end well. LoKitty and CorgiTony return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little something that was languishing on my hard drive. It is NOT beta'd so if you see something, please let me know. Enjoy!

**Chapter – Is everybody Happy?**

Happy’s assistant Dave, who looks as though he could be, if not his twin, then at least a sibling, met him at the front doors driving one of the Stark International courier cars. The car wasn’t nearly big enough for this gig, but there is no way in hell that Happy was taking the limo or indeed anything with leather seats to go pick up a bunch of mutts, even if they had been Avengers a few hours earlier. He was definitely not a dog person, and had always been glad that Tony had never gone in for the mangy things. If only because of the fact that any damn dog was hell on leather seats.

Cruising slowly in the general area Jarvis had given them, Happy was amazed that after only a couple of side streets and a few loops, they seem to have found the missing Avengers. Possibly. At any rate, Dave spotted a promisingly large pack of dogs underneath the shade of a little leaf Linden tree.

_Happy may not have known his dog breeds, but as a former Cub Scout he definitely knew the trees normally found in New York City parks._

Instead of lying scattered around, or playing, the dogs in question were all sitting in an outward facing circle, watching everything that went on around them with intense concentration. A prime indicator to Happy that these are the canine afflicted Avengers he is looking for.

In a move that would immediately net anyone else a huge fine, Happy directed Dave to hop the car over the curb, and park it on the grass. Because, he works for Tony Stark, so he’s pretty sure no random beat cop is going to hassle him over a little illegal parking. Not with all the swag he had had delivered to various police charity events over the years. And besides, once he gets this pack over to the car? What cop in their right mind is going to come near him, let alone try to give him a ticket?

“Hey!” Happy waved to get the dogs attention. Which it did, all of them turned to look at him with such intensity that if he wasn’t sure they weren’t actually dogs... Well let’s just say he’d be back in the car with all the windows rolled up. In addition to getting his gun out, just in case the whole situation went Cujo.  

“Come on guys,” He called again, “Tony’s waiting for you at the tower!”

“Umm, Mister Hogun? Are you sure these are the right dogs? I thought we were looking for five dogs, not six.”

Happy frowned, as indeed six dogs came trailing over to the car. Or rather five trailed, and one limped.

 _Did someone get majorly injured and Tony forgot to mention it? Which granted, could have happened, because, **hello,** Tony. _ Factor into that the Boss’s distraction of being turned into a dog and having to play nice with a crazy cat villain if ever wanted to see his half a billion dollar suit again. So yeah, Happy is totally aware that he may not have all the information necessary to pull off this assignment. Because it wasn’t like that damn snarky cat had given him more than a general description of what they were looking for. Besides, even if that damn cat god had given them more details, as he’d mentioned earlier, he wasn’t all that up on dog breeds to start with. In fact the only dog he can positively identify is the gimpy German Shepherd sticking close to that huge shaggy fawn dog. Big shaggy, being either Rogers or Thor as best he could make out from what the cat had told him.

“You know, I’m not sure, but I think we can find out pretty quick,” Happy said to the troubled Dave. “Doctor Banner?” A slightly scruffy brownish-grey, Collie looking dog, raised his head, gazing at him inquiringly. “If you guys can understand me, could Doctor Banner please get in the car? Tony is waiting for you at the tower.”

BannerCollie immediately hopped up into the back seat.

“Thanks Doc.”

_Okay, so either Doc was super smart even as a dog… Or this was actually going to work._

As he called their names, the other dogs bounded into the car. So his plan was working like a charm... Except for when he called Captain Rogers. Instead of one dog he got two. From their behavior, Happy was pretty sure the shaggy fawn dog was Captain America.

This would make the German Shepard who refused, with an impressive show of teeth to leave his side, either a stray of some sort that the Captain had befriended. Not an impossibility, knowing Rogers, or a bystander of some sort that had gotten caught in the mojo blast. Happy was guessing bystander, since he was pretty sure that Captain Rogers, who had also done some snarling of his own, wouldn’t be quite that aggressive if the Shepard had just been a stray.  

Obviously thinking along the same lines, Dave asked, “Umm, Happy? Is it possible a bystander got turned into a dog too?”

Happy sighed to himself. Yes, that was very possible, and from the looks of dog, some poor New York pedestrian was going to be tripping over a pair of unattended crutches. Giving in, he earned himself a happy yip from Captain Fawn when he moved away from the door and gestured for both dogs to get in.

Closing the door, he turned to see his assistant dubiously eyeing the dogs. “Look, sorting out DogAvengers from the general population was not in the scope of our assignment.”

He pulled Dave several feet away from the car and whispered, “We’ll just take this lot back to the tower and let the Boss and that damn cat sort them out. Besides, Captain Rogers would be major pissed at us if we left that extra dog here. If it turns out it’s just a dog? Great, we find his owner. If he was actually a bystander? What do you think Captain America would say if we left him here alone at the park? Especially, if he transformed back into a naked civilian?”

OoooO

Admittedly it was a bit touch and go when the other Avengers were re-introduced into the penthouse. And for a few moments Happy seriously worried about the Boss being mauled by his own team as he stood defiantly in front of a seemingly unfazed LoKitty. Boss’d practically barked himself hoarse trying to woof some sense into his understandably excited canine friends. Fortunately, since jumping up onto the bar was not really an option for him like it was Loki, and Happy’s own presence didn’t seem like it was much of a deterrent, Thor wuffed in a resigned sort of way and joined Tony in defense of his crazy brother. Jarvis also helped by letting off a damn siren. Once everyone was flattened to the floor, with their ears as low as they could go, the AI very politely requested them all to stand down. Or else.

This worked fine until an SI staffer showed up with Loki’s Le Bernardin order, and a little something Jarvis had ordered for the Boss.

In addition to the general howling that occurred when the elevator chimed, there was of course more baying when Happy lifted Tony up on the bar beside Loki, and announced that there were only two orders. Wishing again he he’d kept Dave with him, Happy opened the containers, so the Boss and Crazy Cat could chow down.  

“There are cold cuts in the kitchen if you are hungry,” Jarvis announced after a very short blip of the siren to get everyone’s attention. “Or I can order something from the tower cafeteria if you like. Today is meatloaf and chicken stir-fry.”

Ignoring the curling lips that exposed way more canine teeth than Happy ever wanted to see, he ushered the grumbling pack into the kitchen, not so much because he was worried about them being hungry, but more to make sure none of the taller dogs decided to leap up and help themselves to Boss’s meal.

“Come on guys, let’s go see what’s in the fridge. If you don’t like it, one yip is meat loaf and two yips is stir-fry.” Shooing the dogs in front of him Happy was struck with a horrifying thought. “Oh yeah, and guys, three yips is if you need to hit the terrace garden for… personal reasons.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I am still out of Chocolate, so... Comments. Yeah, no matter how short, comments would help. :D (Kudos and bookmarks are nice too... just sayin')**  

**Author's Note:**

> As always comments and reviews are greatly appreciated, even if it's just a, 'I liked JJJ or KKK was confusing. (bookmarks and Kudo's are also nice) 
> 
> Avengers, Iron Man, and Thor, are the property of Marvel and Disney, and are not my intellectual property. There is no financial gain made from this nor will any be sought. This is for entertainment purposes only.
> 
>  **[The Trouble with Tricksters](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5143163/chapters/11837846)** COMPLETE w sequel **[The Trouble with Tricksters Two](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8856499)** \- Loki is kept in Stark Tower, but he is a NOT silent, dignified, lone figure, mostly avoiding the Avengers he is forced to share living quarters with. Instead he is an in your face brat. Who walks a fine line between annoying the shit out of all of them but doing it in a way that isn’t blatant enough for anyone to stomp on him without an avenging Thor coming after them.  
> .  
>  **[Palaces of Sand and Gold](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2398826/chapters/5303108)** COMPLETE If Tony and Loki ever broke up, Tony and the SI lawyers wouldn't stand a chance against Odin and his Logmars in a custody struggle. Fortunately it hasn’t come to that, but it is a struggle dealing with overzealous grandparents? Domestic One Shots in the Queens Grace Verse that can be read alone.  
> .  
>  **[The Littlest Trickster](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5056117/chapters/11627242) ** COMPLETE - Tony Stark finds out that neither he nor Loki are any match for a child determined to return to Earth. A series of One Shots as the newest heir of Asgard experiences Life on Midgard. Queens Grace Verse AU, Comes after Palaces of Sand and Gold, but can be read alone. Co-written with Ykmust.  
> .  
>  **[Queens Grace](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1038355/chapters/2071435)** COMPLETE WITH SEQUEL - After the New York attack, Odin has taken Loki’s magic, made him mortal and imprisoned him. But Asgard is not a safe place for the Trickster under these conditions. Recent events make Odin decide to take away one more thing from his second son, his memory going back for the last four years, making Asgard unsafe for Loki’s reduced station. From stories Thor had told, Frigga decides that Tony Stark’s tower would make an excellent secure location for amnesiac Loki to be under house arrest.  
> .  
>  **[Anthony of Asgard](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2193336/chapters/4803567) ** \- COMPLETE - After several years of being housed in Stark Tower as a state prisoner of Asgard, Loki is recalled to Realm Eternal. Devastated Tony is now minus a lab partner, wingman and a snark buddy for movie night. Pepper has moved to the west coast and married, SHIELD is doing some crazy shit and with the exception of occasionally seeing Bruce, Tony doesn’t have much interaction with his former team mates. He wonders how it is possible to feel so lonely in a city so full of people. However he's and engineer and a genius... he can fix this. All he has to do is convince Queen Frigga and Odin All Father to go along with his plan.  
> .  
>  **[How Desperate Are You?](http://archiveofourown.org/works/778956/chapters/1466437)** COMPLETE WITH SEQUEL – Loki has had a bad year and after leaving Midgard with Thor and challenging Odin isn’t making it any better, but no matter how smart you are… Sometimes stubborn happens. It may not seem to be in your best interest, but how desperate are you for a resolution? Any resolution. Loki is returned to Asgard and nothing good happens, but Loki isn’t the only one with issues, Odin has plenty of his own, especially in the realm of A+ Parenting. Loki is desperate to escape from Asgard, Odin and his past.  
> .  
>  **[Desperate for Change](http://archiveofourown.org/works/943697/chapters/1841248)** COMPLETE - Returning to Midgard after an absence of almost two years, Loki finds that as desperate for change as he has been, some changes will take time to get used to, especially when they concern his relationship with Tony and Pepper.  
> .  
>  **[Earth is good thanks, can I talk to Loki](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10873608)** COMPLETE - Steve Rogers did not spend seventy years in ice for stuff like this to be happening. And since desperate times call for desperate measures... He calls upon the one person he can think of who will help him. It's risky, but Steve is determined.  
> .  
>  **[Lessons from Asgard – Courtesy of Loki 2 - The Dark World](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1037116)** COMPLETE - A primer for anyone who has ever wondered what the heck is going on in the Eternal City. More humor than spoiler, Asgard Secrets Exposed  
> 


End file.
